crashing into a brick building

i think everybody has a moment when they look at themselves and say wow, i messed up alot, i don't know what i was thinking, why did i say that, and i don't know what to do.

i have expierinced this moment this week. it has humbled me. you know when you make a mistake and then more and more mistakes follow. and you'd practically do anything to fix them, as long as they'd stop.

and its hard. its like putting a bat on your forehead and spinning 10 times, then when your told to go! you start running but misjudge you're steps and crash into the corner of a brick building. after this happens you don't want to just get up and keep going, you put your head in your hands and think why did i just do that, it was so stupid i wish i could have a re-do.

my mitakes, i can live through them, but when i start thinking, what i do does kind of make a difference to other people. just like the way i'm affected when somebody i care about does something they'd regret. it honestly hurts me. and i start wishing i could have helped, maybe if i would have said something i could have prevented it. but i do nothing.

so i'm stuck in this circle, hoping to get out soon. and i see a light at the end of a tunnel. somebody taking my hand and sticking a band aid to my forehead where i scraped it on the brick building.

i know i can never take back what i've ever done, and even if i do learn from it. nothing will ever be the same. if you get a second chance you're lucky. so i'm gonna try not to screw it up. as long as i do have this possible chance, i want to make the best of it.

i wanna stay out of the way of brick buildings.