you are my sunshine

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you'll never know dear how much i love you, you make my grey skies go away."

So there is a special person and i swear she is a sunshineto so many. She can tell when something is wrong, for somebody else, and so she asks them how they are and if she can help. I think that makes her a special person, its not usually hard to tell if somebody's having a bad day, but it is a hard thing to ask them about it. it shouldn't be, but if they're not your best friend, it provides a huge challenge.

She also is one of those generally happy people who smile all the time, but not in an obnoxious way, she has a happy balance, and just make you feel good to be around. She is the person you see and wish you were her friend.

Lucky for me i am her friend, and lucky for you, you probably are to- because she has a HEART of GOLD and seems to overflow with love for EVERYONE.

so here's to Ashley P. Everybody's sunshine. :)

i believe in...

so you know how when your a kid and you believe in santa and fairy tales, you believe you're a princess and you think that you dad is the coolest person in the whole world?

well now i believe something a little deeper. i believe in God, and his undoubting love for the world. i believe its the only thing worth living for, and i believe that the coolest thing i could ever do would be to bring others to belive in God.

so coming up soon we have to register for our junior year classes, and so i'm choosing all these AP, colledge in high school classes. and it got me thinking, what am i going to do in my life that i need all these classes for. like why on earth do i need to take pre-calc, if i probably don't need it for my career.

this got me thinking on what i actually want to do. i kind of have the masters commision idea nailed to my permanant memory. and at masters commision you get your "liscense to preach" in just 3 years without attending college, plus you can get a "minor/track" in worship ministry, buisness, elementary education, whatever.

i belive that you can't just choose to be a minister, i kind of think you should be called to it. I don't know how this would exactly happen, but long story short, i'm pretty set on being a pastor and be involved in music ministry.

so overall unless God leads me somewhere else, i honestly think in 3 years you'll find me a first year in the rockford masters commision. which is where i truely want to be.

so do i really need pre-calc? i'm pretty sure i don't need it, but i betcha i'll be taking it.

like my youth pastors series, "DO HARD THINGS" i would say CIS classes are hard, but i'll take the challenge and i'll take them, and maybe someday they'll help me with whatever i do. (RMC)

crashing into a brick building

i think everybody has a moment when they look at themselves and say wow, i messed up alot, i don't know what i was thinking, why did i say that, and i don't know what to do.

i have expierinced this moment this week. it has humbled me. you know when you make a mistake and then more and more mistakes follow. and you'd practically do anything to fix them, as long as they'd stop.

and its hard. its like putting a bat on your forehead and spinning 10 times, then when your told to go! you start running but misjudge you're steps and crash into the corner of a brick building. after this happens you don't want to just get up and keep going, you put your head in your hands and think why did i just do that, it was so stupid i wish i could have a re-do.

my mitakes, i can live through them, but when i start thinking, what i do does kind of make a difference to other people. just like the way i'm affected when somebody i care about does something they'd regret. it honestly hurts me. and i start wishing i could have helped, maybe if i would have said something i could have prevented it. but i do nothing.

so i'm stuck in this circle, hoping to get out soon. and i see a light at the end of a tunnel. somebody taking my hand and sticking a band aid to my forehead where i scraped it on the brick building.

i know i can never take back what i've ever done, and even if i do learn from it. nothing will ever be the same. if you get a second chance you're lucky. so i'm gonna try not to screw it up. as long as i do have this possible chance, i want to make the best of it.

i wanna stay out of the way of brick buildings.